The 2 him-s

This is about the 2 him-s in my life...

"When God closed a door for you and thereby another door will be opened for you"

I used to not believe in this phase, but I do now...Reason is because I was facing some difficult time for few weeks, and I was led into some dead end..Somehow, I still belive that everything is gonna be okay, hence I wasn't really worry although I didn't know how I am going to solve all the problems in front of me. Unconsciously, One by one my problem are solved all by itself, I just did a small part of it and He solved everything for me. Of course, everytime my problems solved I did thank him. Although he don't request me to give him back anything, I wanna make him happy by at least not hurting Him..


Secondly is my brother, I am so damn lucky to have him in my life. He always play around with me, joke, and everything. Although, he seems doesn't care about my life, but surprisingly he does. He did a lot of things behind my back just to make sure that I am ok with my life. He prepared everything for me without me knowing about it. All this while, I know that he loves me but just a word came out from mouth. Today, I realized I was wrong. He loves me way more than I love him. I feel bad that only now I knew it.


2days to go, I don't really feel the excitement as I've been waiting for too long, so the excited feeling has gone..However, since all my probs are gone now, I can be really relax there, I want to get over things here and wash my mind, by the time I am back it's going to be a new year and a new page of a new life..

pissed me off

Early in the morning this thing already pissed me off...Ehh hello who do you think you are?? You think that you are really an important person duh??? Everytime also wanna find things to argue, don't you tired?? Please laa, get over it...How long has it happened already?? If you still can't accept then it's your problem, just stay away..

I don't know what is in your mind, only money and fight?? Even we feel that you are pathetic, other than us who else do you have?? Or I think you prefer to be lonely...Appreciate people around you, how long can you be here??If you like to fight and argue, please find someone that has a same hobby with you..If you feel you have the right of everything, and you are f***ing wrong...Everyone has limit, so that doesn't mean quiet then you can do whatever you want, you are challenging the limit.

If not because of their face, I already F you back 99..Money money money, is money that important??How I wish I can go to your face and scold you or even hire people to "gao dim" you for me..Nobody wanna bother about you, and you find things to fight...STUPID!!!

W-H-Y ???

Recently I've been asking myself a lot of why...A lot of things happened on me which I don't want to even accept about it..I've been thinking too many questions which I cant find a reason or an answer to those. Why it has to happen to me?? Is it a karma for what I've done in the past?? but wouldn't it too big for me to accept? It beyond my ability already.. I don't know should I be sad or happy...Happy at least I know about it, sad is because I feel bad, very bad, and this means I'm going to lose whatever I have now without me having a chance to fight it.

Why me?Why I have to be treated like this??Anyone can tell me which relationship is based and build without a lie?? Is every couple lie to each other?? Is it really because of don't wanna hurt each other so we chose to lie?? or it's just some reason to not face it??

When I found out about the truth, I wanted to just forget about it and keep it going between us, but it has been bothering me for quite sometime, I can't get over it and pretend nothing happened..I just can't do it..If i could choose, I would rather I don't know and just keep being a "傻瓜"..I think this one also because my brother keep scolding me Fool so I really a bit fool d (LOL)..

I've been struggling with myself, one side of mine can't accept it but the other side of mine rather to choose being the fool one, as I've been fooled for more than a year so it doesn't matter. I know by being with you, I've hurt a lot of people, and trust me when I said a lot is really a lot, without me even knowing it and purposely..At the end of the day, I hurt myself because I can't even pass through myself. I feel bad for what I've done all this long. If I knew all these from the beginning, I will NEVER came at the first place.

I wanted to tell you everything, but I just couldn't...1 side is because I don't know how to face it and I don't want to take away your dignity..Especially to those very sensitive issues..But sooner or later you will understand why I said all these and chose this decision..Today someone told me,
开心或伤心日子还是要过，所以我选择开开心心的过...I feel true also, the world won't stop just because you are sad...

I know that you sacrifce a lot of things and put them at risk also when you made any decision (or maybe not, but im sure you do think about my feeling)..If 1 people's tears can change many people's smiles, I think it's worth enough for everything..Honestly, I am not those like very great,and definately not the type who拿得起，放得下, but I wanna learn how to be 1, because my memory "card" only 16gb, I can only put all the happy things and there is no more space for the unhappy memories..If I say that I am not sad, it's definately a lie, but I know time heals, it's all a matter of time until I find a better person.

Last but not least, I hope you will understand 1 day and wish you ALL, all the best in your life...and for this 1 person, I can't tell you who you are, but I wanna apologize for taking away from you and although I don't wanna admit it, but you are a really good person. The only thing I will miss is my "xiao ke ai", so for the owners, how 300 or 400???LOL....



P/S: Wipe out your tears, and belive it or not time heals and by the time you healed the world is gonna be different.. =)

相信

我相信 你说的每一句
就算是 明知是甜言蜜语
可是我 总觉得哪里有问题
也许这些话语 不只说给我听
我相信 是因为你的犹豫
所以把 感情陷入难题
没关系 我有做坏人的勇气
就算毁灭自己 也要捍卫爱情
我全都相信 相信你说的每一句
每一句 我答应 我可以 我不会负你
我全都相信 相信你说的每一句
每一句只差一句我爱你
温岚 - 我全都相信
作词：吴克群 作曲：吴克群
我相信 你说的每一句
就算是 一切都变成回忆
可是我 逃不开也回不去
也许这些话语 是讽刺的回音
我相信 是因为你的犹豫
所以把 我永远困在这里
没关系 我会继续撑下去
给我勇气呼吸 我只需要一句
我全都相信 相信你说的每一句
每一句 我答应 我可以 我不会负你
我全都相信 相信你说的每一句
每一句只差一句我爱你
我全都相信 相信你说的每一句
每一句 我答应 我可以 我不会负你
我全都相信 相信你说的每一句
每一句只差一句我爱你
我想你说不出我爱你


p/s: 我真的相信

L.O.V.E

I am sure "LOVE" give us a lot of headache. Loving someone is really a big deal, it's the day where you have to begin your sacrifice. You will do anything to make them happy or to protect their feeling. For me, I feel when you love someone you are giving up a lot of things, your freedom, your thinking, sometimes even your friends.


"LOVE"- is all started in seconds, even a very good friend for years can suddenly fall for each other within 1 minute. Many people will sacrifice everything for the loved one, even their life. I saw a news today about 22 years old man who commited suicide just because his girl friend left him, and the worst is that they just started for 4months. DAMN...because of 4months of relationship he gave up a 22years relationship with his family and friends. How stupid a person can be for love. Yaa, he died for him is a good thing, released from all the sadness, but what about the people he left?? Did he think about this??Or it all happened because to make his girl friend feel guilty??How many people struggle just to survive and be with their loved one, and he chose to end his life just because of a relationship..Stupid decision.


I always give advise to people about relationship problems, but when it comes to me why is it so hard to solve even my own problems? By having a relationship, is it really makes me happier? or should I stay in single? Who can help me find the answer? When a relationship starts it sooner or later will meet a T-junction, it's either a comma or a full stop. I was naif enough to think that the most important thing in a relationship is "LOVE", but when u start it, there is a bigger responsible and factors to build it. Is everyone tought how to face a relationship problem in their school? Hell NO...


How do you find back all the sweetness after being together for sometime?? Or it's all has become a habit??What do you do when a close friend suddenly treat you differently? You can't reject as you don't know what is in the mind of the person, or should you just continue enjoy the moment??How you solve the probs in a relationship??Or just have a new one so you will know whether you still love him/her??


I've made mistakes before by leaving the person who really loved me and goes for the new one, maybe it's somekind of self-achivement for myself, but I ALWAYS end up regret, and it'll be too late to take a U-turn. I keep remind myself to appreciate whoever I am with, the past is already pass, and I don't want to have anymore regret word in my dicitonary. I do appreciate this relationship, but I always feel it's not enough, I wanna be a better person, I wanna make this relationship works. But with all the fights and argue who can tell me how to hang on?


Honestly, I never being under control in a relationship, but it's all because I love you and I really wanna be with you, so I did my best to let you. But I don't know how long we can be still together. But I do hope we can go as long as we can.


P/S: Don't ever regret for what you have did but you have to feel proud because you know where is your mistake and hence be better person in the future

back to earth

My life now has returned to the normal life...Somehow I feel that I belong here compare to my own hometown. Everytime I went back to Jakarta, I will feel like a guest in my own house.


So this is the story, I was supposed to coheme back on 9th but hell Airasia, they have some flight problems and we end up have to wait almost 3 hours in Jakarta airport, which means I won't be able to catch my another flight back to penang. At first, they told me there is nothing they can do with it, they only can try their best to tell the staff in KL my case, and see what they can do there. It really pissed me off, luckily there is 1 guy who came up with the same case as mine, so he keep scolding scolding and scolding until the airasia finally told us that they can give us another flight. I was so releaved that I don't have to pay for it, so they put me on the next day flight and there I was, reached Penang at 5pm.


In the night, we all were supposed to meet up for a "VIP" party at mansion 32, but we end up q-ing for almost 1hour to just get in there. Although we all are tired of standing and q-ing, I thought it's ok if the party is as good as they advertised then it'll be worth. As soon as we in, I was OMG.....It was hot, crowded, and really un-organized and believe me as soon as we enter all we think is what time to go back and the 1hour it's definately not worth the hell. The only thing that good is the food, we were hungry and so coincident the table is just next to us. All of us was surround it and keep eating instead of drinking liquor.


After we came out, it was supposed to be our 2nd part, but honey doesn't want to go for a club, so me, honey, wan yee, and tiong end up went to straits quay in E&O. The place was fun enough to hang out, but still many shops are close. After all this we went back home and I continued my 3rd part of partying and last but not least I came back home drunk..



P/S: Live life to the max and enjoy while you can!!!

Finger crossed

Things have not been so smooth for me, as I am back in Indo and praying so that my visa will be approved. The agent told me that it's a bit difficult for young traveller going alone and for so many days to get the visa approved. So I'm hoping for the best to come now..

As for other stuff, I will be meeting with a hotel chef who is going to teach me to do yogurt, I can feel all the pressure around me, from my parents and as well as my friends of doing this yogurt. Racing againts time, and hopefully everything goes as expected.

Gosh, I miss my life there and all the small thing that happened to me everyday, like hug Nono ( honey's dog). It has become my everyday schedule to scratch her tummy in the morning, feed her greenies (her fav food), go to hug and carry her or even listen to her singing..But here everyday is already filled with problems and new problems.

I received a phone call this morning from my cousin sis, which telling me that all of sudden there are 2 people who cancelled their booking, yay....I'm going for another trip in Jan..but of course I have to make sure it "ON" only I can 100% happy..hopefully everything ok..



Today's quotation: "A perfect colour is a colour that makes you look beautiful and matched you."- Coco Chanel